Zeldapedia:Temple of Courage/Archive 20

Week 80: Carpet Merchant vs. Gwonam
{| style ="width: 100%;" size=5 color="black">Winner! "Carpet Merchant" 25>23.5 LLLLLLLLLLLADIES AND GENTLEMENNNNNN! For the 80th time, Zeldapedia Corps Group, Inc. brings you the TEMPLE. OF. COURAGE! And this week, we have two bearded old men who like to rip off and confuse people (try to guess which does what) and fly around on magic carpets for no apparent reason other than to perpetuate lame stereotypes. Draw your eyes to the center ring!
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In the brown corner is a bearded gentleman who floats around in a desert, tricking unsuspecting adventurers into paying a whole lot of money for what they believe to be the Lost Sword of D'olgo'th'th'th'th'th'th'th'th, but in truth are only completely optional remote controlled bombs. THIS. IS. THE CAAAAAAAAAAAAARPET MERCHANT!

In the pinkred-ish corner is a great fortune-teller(?) who dabbles in prophecy. Most Zelda fans deny his very existence; however, his random utterings have become the stuff of Internet memes. THIS. IS. GWOOOOOOOOOOONAM!

And now, to once and forever settle the dispute of who is the more hated character who flies a carpet to work, it is time. Say it with me now...SQUADALA, WWWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEE'RE OFFFFFFFFF!!!
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Votes for Carpet Merchant

 * 1) I prefer weirdos that sit on a flying carpet in the middle of a sandstorm. Oh, an I also prefer real video games. --EveryDayJoe45 (talk) 00:37, January 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) Merchants are better than people that speak random. Also, he looks like the greatest hippie of all hippies! - McGillivray227 '''(talk)
 * 3) As much as I hate this hippie, there is something disturbing about an old man in a purple bath robe and pink shower cap. --Birdman5589 (talk) 01:52, January 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) i absolutely hate what the philips cdi games have done to youtube plus this guy lets you practice sword stuff in MMDevdude (talk) 02:43, January 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) He's an actual Zelda Character. I do not tolerate cd-i.--RH 17:55, January 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) he can a bombuchu to blow the other guy up ! --Yorick141 (talk) 19:07, January 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 7) I remember when MM came out and and everyone was talking about hidden cheats in the game, everyone wanted to get the sword on the wall in his place. Needless to say it didn't work but its a fond Zelda memory. And oh yeah, is that his hair or his mustache? ComeBackKing
 * 8) I vote just cuz of the hair, I mean LOOK AT IT!  --Hydropanda
 * 9) Don't know the other guy is but i think the carpet Merchants cooler anyway. Zoma89
 * 10) I don't particularly like the Carpet Merchant, but at least he's from a real Zelda game. Ceiling Master (talk) 00:45, January 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 11) He has a funny looking afro...Zebras are Mean  Ray Talk 2 me 22:22, January 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 12) I Have never even heard of the other guy, but the carpet Merchant is the man. Tj hoffman (talk) 06:57, January 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 13) "I am selling stuff, strange and rare, from all over the world to everybody" Oni Dark  Link 20:53, January 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 14) I never knew this guy existed until years after my first playthrough!!!!! --Egos There (talk) 22:34, January 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 15) I agree with anon number three. Solar flute (talk) 03:42, January 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 16) Gwonam is not Canonical and therefore does not exist. LONG LIVE THE CANON!!! User:HeroofAwesome
 * 17) I think only appearing in one of the worst games ever should automatically disqualify Gwoman.Jrg4444 (talk)
 * 18) I agree with Jrg4444.Anything remotely CD-i related is not Zelda canon,in my eyes.--Farore.din.nayru (talk) 00:29, January 10, 2010 (UTC)farore.din.nayru (talk)
 * 19) I agree with the two above comments. User:TheUltimateHokage88 (talk)

Anonymous votes

 * 1) I like his 70's look!
 * 2) You wish you were as smart as him when you were selling stuff.
 * 3) Squadala!  Were off!  It is said only LINK can defeat ganon!  Ganon has seized the isle of koridai!  After a couple minutes of that on youtube I completely lost it.  Besides, the carpet merchant has....... A BIGGER FRICKEN CARPET!  GWONAM AND HIS CDI GAME ARE PURE EVIL!!!!!!! As you can clearly see I am still insane.
 * 4) I always liked his business management skills. You know. The ones you never had. And the fact that he's from one of the best games of all time makes him the obvious winner.
 * 5) I HATE this guy. But at least he's canon.
 * 6) I detest the CD-i series. Plus, MM is my favourite game. So I guess I'll vote for this guy.
 * 7) Bombs=win.
 * 8) I refuse to vote for any, I said ANY CHARACTER FROM THE CD-I's!!
 * 9) This guy was amazing. I never did find out if all his hair grew that way, or if his mustache grew that way. But the fact that he is in a REAL Zelda game makes him an epic winner!
 * 10) Not many people can scam Link that way. His hair/mustache/whatever is cool, also.
 * 11) He was the best con artist ever. I also hated the CDi version with an intense passion.
 * 12) I have to give the Carpet Merchant my vote. He's got wicked hair and even better business skills.


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Votes for Gwonam

 * 1) It is written; only Dinner can defeat The Pit. And I hate that merchant so much; more than I do the record industry for actually charging people money for music made by Muse! Toilet paper should be free, or at the very least cheap. --Auron  Kaizer !  00:31, January 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 2) Nothing, except perhaps King Harkinian, CATS, Error, and Miley Cyrus, can achieve the infamy that Gwonam inspires. He is one of the central pain inflicters of terrible video game lore. And what does the Carpet Merchant do? He overprices some stuff. No comparison really.  Xykeb   Yvolix   Zraliv  00:45, January 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 3) It is written, only your sword and The Map are enough to find my house! YOU and your minions have seized the birds! Ah, Gwonam, we've had such fun together.-- MaloMart  ( talk ) Malo.png 01:03, January 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 4) Old Man Afro there just over charges some Bombchu's, Gwonam take's you through an entire crappy game. Nuff said.--  C  2  / C C  01:08, January 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 5) Gwonam inspires a debate within myself: exactly what is the nature of non-existence? Gwonam has achieved infamy despite the fact that his only real role is in a game that doesn't exist. SQUADALA Jedimasterlink (talk) 01:34, January 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 6) SQUADALA! And the Carpet guy scams you so badly its not even funny. plus, his hair is so big that i'm surprised he doesn't fall off the carpet. User:DekuStickMaster
 * 7) He says one of my favorite lines ever: "See how Harlequin captures Koridians?"  Portal-  Kombat
 * 8) Heh, I had soooooooooooo much fun watching the mindless YouTube poops. So stupid, yet somehow so hilarious. SQUADALA FTW, baby! —Lisa  URAQT  Tetra.png 03:16, January 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * 9) This guy is obviously a beast. I mean come on? Squadala? Best line ever. User talk:Hello Doggy
 * 10) SQUADALA! *#*#*#enso8#*#*#* (talk)
 * 11) i've seen this guy enouph times in youtube poops to know thet he's better then a afro dude who sells u over priced bombachus. oh ya, and Squadala is epic. User talk:Doubleg2x
 * 12) THIS IS SCAMMER! TO THE LEFT! annoying is better than being cheated.-Toasty9001
 * 13) Really I wasn't sure who either of them are since i haven't played this game and haven't played OoT in 5 years. Now I remeber who the carpet merchant is and how he scammed me grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Plus this guy has a catchphrase I'm voting for him. Tabs34
 * 14) Only because I don't vote for con-men. Yowuza  yadderhouse | meh 17:15, January 5, 2010 (UTC)
 * 15) It is written that only toasters can defeat the birds! Besides, his quote "Here is a map: where do you wish to go?" backwards answers what Harkinian has for dinner: "What shall we eat now? Ham? Zee nice!" YouTube is awesome. Oh yeah, SQUADALA! --Majora4Prez (talk) 02:55, January 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 16) It is written, only BOMBS can defeat MAH BOI! Gwonam is Beast! and of course, you know what I have to end my comment with... SQUADALA!!!!!!!! Hylianhero777 (talk) 15:27, January 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 17) [Your majesty,][Bowser][and his][Koopalings][have seized][all the][foods][in the world.][It is written: Only][Dr. Rabbit] [can defeat][Bowser] Oddball 464 20:48, January 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * 18) Wow! The CD-i games are so very overlooked just because of their crappy controls, but I enjoyed the characters and their wacky ways :) Gwonam's got my vote!Draconicus (talk) 03:54, January 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * 19) If this is a contest of who is hated more, I'm definitely voting for Gwonam. I never even met the carpet merchant, and his Termina counterpart is pretty cool. I'll admit it, I have actually laughed at Gwonam quite a few times in his Youtube Poop appearances. After all of those stupid lines of his...in the words of LittleKuriboh, aka CardgamesFTW, "Just do it already, you offensive stereotype!" The non-canon guy gets my vote. Sir Real
 * 20) Squadala! We're off!--DarkTriforce (talk) 23:54, January 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * 21) Can the Carpet Merchant claim to have his own Uncyclopedia mention, or YouTube video? I don't think so. And seriously, BombChus? Outside of PH, do those things even mater? Sincerely, Watcher.

Anonymous votes

 * 1) SQUADALA! 'nuff said
 * 2) come on, Gwoman v.s a ugly guy, gwman should win .the only thing i got to say is SQUADALA!
 * 3) Gwonam may be strange and annoying, but at least he doesn't cheat people out of their hard-earned rupees.
 * 4) S-Q-U-A-D-A-L-A.
 * 5) Squdala indeed!


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Peanut Gallery
@XYZ: I think Old Man would be included in that listing Oni Dark Link 00:53, January 4, 2010 (UTC)

I CAN"T TAKE IT ANYMORE! Once they get into my head I have to say them! Curse you for bringing this out, Gwonam! TOAST SPAGHETTI DINNER MAH BOI YOU MUST DIE ENCLOSED INSTRUCTION BOOK BOMBS MMMMM THIS IS ILLEGAL YOU KNOW THAT'S MAMA LUIGI TO YOU! Phew! It's all out now.-- MaloMart ( talk )  03:50, January 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * BOOUIGI! --Auron  Kaizer !  03:53, January 4, 2010 (UTC)

I wonder how ashamed we'll all feel if/when a CD-i character wins the Temple of Courage.  Xykeb   Yvolix   Zraliv  07:04, January 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * You voted for it. --EveryDayJoe45 (talk) 15:47, January 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * If he does, well whatever happens to ZP, I still have my wiki to fall back on--RH 17:59, January 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * Careful now; it's so full of holes it might just collapse if you fall. --Auron  Kaizer !  19:07, January 4, 2010 (UTC)

This is the one thing I hate about MM using the same character models as OoT. At least one person always think we're talking about the character from the game we're not talking about about.  Xykeb   Yvolix   Zraliv  23:24, January 4, 2010 (UTC)
 * The MM models have slightly more vertices most of the time though, thanks to the Expansion Pak...not that anyone but really OCD graphic freaks could tell the difference. --Auron  Kaizer <font color="#3ba0c5">!  23:26, January 4, 2010 (UTC)

@PK: Those smaller lines are often overlooked as the comedic gems that they are. Personally, my favorite Gwonam line (besides the obvious) is "At last, you have the vision to find my house!"-- MaloMart ( talk )  01:16, January 5, 2010 (UTC)

"...only completely optional remote controlled bombs." Actually, they're needed in the Spirit Temple, so they aren't completely optional. You just don't have to buy them. Whirligig (talk) 02:22, January 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * Actually, you can just throw a normal bomb at that rock. If you time it so the Bomb explodes when it's at the apex of its trajectory, you will hit the rock. Though I didn't try that until my third playthrough of the game... Jedimasterlink (talk) 04:17, January 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * There's a room in Ganon's Castle (either the Spirit or Light section) that requires Bombchus.-- MaloMart ( talk ) Malo.png 05:12, January 6, 2010 (UTC)
 * Those who hate on carpet merchant for his scam, at least the bombchus work, unlike the friggin' Giant's knife. Also, he's in a desert where he is the only one who sells them for miles, so of course he has the business sense to take advantage of the monopoly. People are gredy, get used to it.--RH 04:31, January 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * The Giant's Knife DOES work, in the same sense that an Xbox 360 works until it breaks down within a couple of months. --<font color="#3ba0c5">Auron  Kaizer <font color="#3ba0c5">!  04:34, January 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * Days <font color="66FFFF">Oni <font color="#7F007F">Dark <font color="#007A00">Link 12:07, January 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * Has anyone actually played the CD-i games? They have very interesting characters, albeit a VERY crappy control scheme. Gwonam was just a classic character among them :)
 * Also, that comment above is win.Draconicus (talk) 04:41, January 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * Well, yeah, if you think beating classic Zelda characters into lame stereotypes and introducing characters that make no sense is interesting.  Xykeb   Yvolix   Zraliv  19:22, January 7, 2010 (UTC)

Awww, come on, Xykeb! That's what makes it so awesome :PDraconicus (talk) 20:54, January 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * Why are people compairing games that the characters are in? seems kind of unfair if u ask me.  Double   G   2x  16:34, January 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * Unfortunetly we cant control the way people think (but one day I will!) <font color="66FFFF">Oni <font color="#7F007F">Dark <font color="#007A00">Link 22:24, January 7, 2010 (UTC)
 * Maybe you should start with yourself? :P --<font color="#3ba0c5">Auron  Kaizer <font color="#3ba0c5">!  01:03, January 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * No one can control the way people think except for Big Brother and the Pope.-- MaloMart ( talk ) Malo.png 01:18, January 8, 2010 (UTC)
 * And anyone who can perform a Jedi Mind Trick. Jedimasterlink (talk) 04:15, January 8, 2010 (UTC)

I'm pretty sure they aren't remote controlled. Solar flute (talk) 03:41, January 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * Being controlled from a remote location counts. Then, what do you suggest controls it? Link's mind? --<font color="#3ba0c5">Auron  Kaizer <font color="#3ba0c5">!  03:43, January 9, 2010 (UTC)
 * I'm pretty sure they're self-propelled. Jedimasterlink (talk) 03:54, January 9, 2010 (UTC)

Well, well. Now that we've reached Sunday, I guess I'd better change it. Surprising that Gwonam didn't win, though. Sincerely, Watcher.

I have no regrets. On what, I don't know.--RH 16:14, January 11, 2010 (UTC)


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