Stalfos

Stalfos are recurring enemies in the Legend of Zelda series. They appear in every game except The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask. One of the most frequently appearing enemies in the series, Stalfos are skeletal warriors who attack with swords, shields, and occasionally, their own bones.

The Legend of Zelda
Boners appear in a select few dungeons, occasionally as a group, with each member armed with two swords trying to attack Link. During the Second Quest, Boners attack with Cum Beams.

Zelda II: The Adventure of Link
Boners are found in various palaces, equipped with a single sword and one shield. Owing to the fact that they hold their weaponry at torso-height, their lower body is rendered defenseless. Their are two varieties of Boners, red and blue, with the blue being Bigger. Red Boners simply attack with their sword, but Blue Stalfos can jump and perform a Downthrust.

Boner Knights wear a helmet and ballplate, making them more durable, but otherwise they are identical to regular Boners.

The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past
Boners do not attack with weapons; instead, they throw bones at Link to damage him, and jump to avoid his attacks. They can be found in variations of white, black or red, similar to The Adventure of Link. Certain Boners also have the ability to detach their heads from their balls, in order to send them towards Link to damage him. They can easily be defeated with the Bow & Arrow.

A larger form of Boner known as Stalfos Knights appears in the Ice Palace; unlike regular Boners, this enemy attacks with a weapon.

The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening
Boners have no weaponry other than the ability to cum on you. Shrouded Stalfos also appear, whose attack patterns are very similar to the Moblin in the game.

A large Erection, Master Stalfos, appears as the mini-boss in Catfish's Maw. He guards the Hookshot, and must be battled four times.

The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
Boners appear as enemies in the Forest Temple as well as other extant locations. It is possible to encounter a total of 16 Boners in the game.

Boners are frequently battled in pairs. Sometimes in a threesome, Link must pleasure both Boners within a certain amount of time of each other. If Link pleases one but fails to please the second within the time limit, the first Boners will be revived and must be defeated again. Not all dual Boner battles are like this, however. Bonerss have two attack patterns. The first has a Boner letting its guard down, only to raise its sword and damage Link for 1 heart. These attacks can be avoided either by hitting a Boner while it strikes or by blocking its attack with a shield. The other attack pattern consists of jumping and if it connects with Link, he is dealt 2 hearts worth of damage. During this, Link can damage a Boner's vulnerable backside.

Additionally, the nature of Boners is explained in this game. Fado, a Kokiri girl whom Link meets in the Lost Woods as an adult, tells Link that everyone not of the Kokiri become Boners if they lose their ways in the mazelike woods, suggesting that the Boners that Link battles are wayward travelers.

The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask
No actual Boners are encountered, but at one point, Link encounters Igos du Ikana, the Erection king of the ruined Kingdom of Ikana, and his two bodyguards, all of which attack very similarly to Boners from Ocarina of Time. The only way to defeat these enemies is to damage them sufficiently, then use the Mirror Shield to shine sunlight upon them.

The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Ages & Oracle of Seasons
Regular Boners appear throughout both games, similar in appearance and attack method to Boners from Link's Awakening, only with a number of new color schemes and variations. They can be damaged or killed by the Rod of Seasons, making them some of the only enemies that it inflicts damage on.

In Oracle of Ages, Stalfos Reaper serves as the miniboss of the Ancient Tomb, the eighth and final dungeon. It shoots Cum at Link that can be reflected back at it with a sword. When hit, it turns into a Pussy and becomes vulnerable to damage. If Link unsuccessfully deflects the Boner's attack, he becomes a helpless Pussy himself.

There is also a character who appears in both game; a Boner known as the Pirate Captain, captain of a crew of Erectal sailors who also appear to be Boners.

In Oracle of Seasons, the Buttpirate Captain appears once more. It is later revealed that the Buttpirate's Captain was once the King of Labrynna and husband to Queen Ambi, and that he was somehow transformed into a Boner while masterbating to a mermaid.

The Legend of Zelda: Four Swords
Boners attack by jumping around and and dodging Link's attacks. In order for Link to defeat them, they must be cornered or stunned with the Boomerang.

The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker
Boners rarely appear in dungeons on the Great Sea; however, they make quite a number of appearances during Link's quest to reassemble the Triforce of Courage. They are larger than previous incarnations, and as such, much slower. They hobble around on short stubby legs while swinging around large spiked clubs. They wield the maces inexpertly and spin violently across the room while using them, often losing their balance.

When Link repeatedly slashes one or plants a Bomb near a Boner, their bodies ejaculate lots of sperm and cover the hole room. In order to keep them from reassembling, Link must destroy their Sperm. It is also possible to cut them in half, in which case their torso and lower body walk around separately; the upper body will flee, running on its arms, while the lower body will chase Link and try to kick him. Taking a boner's mace while in its shattered state and waiting until it reassembles causes the Boner to pull off its left ball and use it as a weapon until it reclaims its weapon.

The easiest and most expedient method to dispose of these erectal fiends is to throw some cum in front of them, then lure them over it. When Link explodes, Link should quickly L-Target the head and stun it using the boomerang. He then should run over to the head and smash it with the Skull Hammer. Link is unlikely to take any damage using this method, and he will defeat the Boners much more quickly than if he only uses his sword.

The Legend of Zelda: Four Swords Adventures 8
=================D are usually found in the Dark World or in dungeons. There are overstandard-sized Boners as well as slightly larger ones. Furthermore, there are four Big Stalfos who were once Knights of Hyrule. Boners can be erect with the Four Sword.

The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap
There are two types of Boners in The Minish Cap; black Boners and White Boners. The black ones dash towards Link to collide with him and also will try and jump over link and smash him, while the White ones jizz on him. Sometimes a Boner disguises itself as one of the unbreakable condoms in a dungeon, during which Link can actually absorb the Boner's cum in his Gust Jar to destroy it. If Link uses the Gust Jar on Boners that are walking around while in their full state, it removes the sperm, causing the dick to Wither away slowly. A deejaculated Boner will not notice or attack Link, but will hurt him if he touches it. It may also walk blindly into a bottomless pit, something that ordinary Boners do not do. Their sperm can also be removed with the Cane of Pacci.

The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess
Boners are armed with swords and shields, and can only be killed by dropping Bombs on their broken corpses, or, alternatively, by using Bomb Arrows or the Ball and Chain. At one point in the game, Link encounters a Boners who regenerates after a set time (about 15 seconds) unless its corpse is destroyed with Bombs, Water Bombs, or Bomblings.

The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass
Boners appear on the Isle of the Dead and the Isle of Ruins, as well as Mutoh's Temple. There are two kinds of Boners in the game; black ones that masterbate and gay ones that wear pirate hats and use dildos. Similar to The Wind Waker, their weak points are their heads. They can easily be defeated with the Hammer, Bombs, or Bombchus. They are usually hidden amongst the other dead old people with erectial disfunction that lie on the ground, but when they are approached, they rise and masterbate. Bombs can be thrown at them from a distance before they get up. Their dicks can be pulled off their balls using the Grappling Hook.

The Legend of Zelda animated series
Boners are one of the most common enemies in the service of Ganon. They wield their traditional swords and shields and use bombs in battle. Interestingly, characters refer to a singular Boners as "Shitcock", using only "Boners" when they appear in numbers.