Hitch in the Works/Episode transcript

This is the episode transcript for "Hitch in the Works."

(Link is sneaking around the castle while carrying something)

Link: So far so good. Now if I can just make it across the courtyard. (runs across the courtyard to the castle's exit but Zelda gets in his way)

Zelda: And just WHERE do you think you're going?

Link: (hides what he's carrying) Eh...just getting ready to oil the gate engines? (drops what he's carrying: a fishing rod)

Zelda: With a fishing rod? Right.

Link: Aw, c'mon, princess.

Zelda: No! Ganon hasn't attacked in weeks and it's time you started earning your keep. There's chores to be done.

Link: But that's the castle handyman's job.

Zelda: Doof's got enough to do, which is obviously not your problem. Now move. (pushes him towards the castle)

Link: Kiss?

Zelda: Maybe once your chores are done. Now get going.

Link: Aw.

(the scene now shows Link up on a ladder filling the lamps with oil)

Link: Sheesh. Fill the lamps, fix the drawbridge, clean the moat. (drops water on the ladder) I'm a hero, not a handyman. (hears a noise) What's that? (slips and falls off the ladder. The scene then shows a robot-like creature malfunctioning, then it falls apart)

Doof: Oh, drat!

Link: Doof, what the heck was that?

Doof: Oh, it was supposed to be my assistant. Help with the chores. Didn't work though.

Link: Hey, don't give up yet. Any adventure that means doing less work is ok with me. Go on, give 'er another try.

Doof: Well, alright. Alakazam! (uses magic and his invention is immediately fixed)

Link: Whoa. Is it safe?

Doof: Heh, who knows? I'm not very good at this. (the assistant then picks up a broom and starts to bounce around with it, breaking the ladder that Link was using. It continues until it exits the room that Link and Doof are in)

Doof: See? Useless.

Link: Don't be silly. It just needs a little fine-tuning. C'mon! Look out! He's heading for the wine cellar (Link and Doof follow)

Doof: Oh dear! (when Link and Doof leave, a Moblin appears out of one of the floor tiles)

Moblin: Psst, all clear. Let's get the--(the assistant bounces on top of the floor tile that the Moblin was on, and Link and Doof run over it as well)

Link: C'mon, we gotta catch that thing!

(the Moblin pushes up the floor tile with a bump on his head)

Moblin: Oh...this job always give headache. (two more Moblins come out of the floor, two with maces and one with a net. They bump into Doof's assistant who is still bouncing around)

Moblin: Hey! (the assistant gets closer to them but one of the Moblin breaks it with his mace. Doof and Link walk in)

Doof: Oh, darn it! I just fixed that!

Link: Better take cover, Doof. Moblins are MY business.

Moblin: Get him! (rushes towards Link, Link easily zaps one of them while hanging on a ceiling lamp) Get him! Get him! (a Moblin charges at Link with his net and catches the young hero inside of it)

Doof: Oh, I must help Link! Alakazoo! (fixes assistant again)

Moblin: Got him now! (Link is struggling inside the net, then Doof's assistant grabs one of the Moblins while little hearts float around them)

Moblin: Hey! Put me down! (Link rips the net with his sword)

Link: I'll put you down, alright. Down and out! (zaps the Moblin and the remaining foe gets out a boomerang) Now to send you back to Ganon! (is about to aim sword but the assistant is walking towards Link now)

Doof: Oh, no! (Moblin throws boomerang but Link evades it, hits the knee of the assistant instead)

Link: Hah! (zaps Moblin) Uh-oh. (assistant falls on top of Link and he passes out)

Zelda: Link. (Link opens his eyes) Link! Honestly!

Link: Uh huh? What happened?

Zelda: You were sleeping on the job, THAT'S what happened.

Link: No, no. I remember now! There was a bunch of Moblins. Like 50 or 60 of them, yeah! And I bravely and heroically fought them off. So, uh, yeah.

Zelda: A likely story.

Link: It's true. Most of it, anyway.

Zelda: I don't see any Moblins. All I see is a bunch of junk on the floor that needs to be picked up. So get to it, hero. And no more naps, ok?

Link: (angry) Well excuuuse me, princess.

Doof: (comes out of hiding) Uh...Link?

Link: Doof! Where were you? Why didn't you back up my story?

Doof: Well uh, I ran away. I was scared.

Link: Ah well, too late now. Or is it? Say, Doof. Could you make up some fake Moblins, that look real, I mean.

Doof: Well uh, I suppose so. But why?

Link: That way, see, I can save Zelda from the fake Moblins and get out of doing these stupid chores.

(Zelda was cleaning a nearby door and hears what Link was saying)

Zelda: Hmm...that's what YOU think, Link.

(in the Underworld)

Ganon: So...you failed to get the princess!

Moblin: We uh ran into Link. He zap us!

Ganon: Then we will have to try again. I wanted that princess. But once I place this Jewel of Control around her neck, the princess will do anything I say--even "Marry me!" Aha ha ha ha! And make ME ruler of all Hyrule! Aha ha ha ha!

(back at the castle, Link is fixing a door)

Link: (thinking) As soon as the fake Moblins attack, I'll be free from these stupid chores.

Zelda: (thinking) If Link thinks his fake Moblins will scare me, he's in for a surprise.

Link: (closes door) There, no more squeak. (Moblins break down the door and walk over Link) Hey!

Zelda: (unimpressed) Ahum. Moblins.

Link: Huh? Aren't you scared?

Zelda: Why should I be? (Moblins pick her up) Ah!

Link: Hey guys, you're going a little TOO far! (Moblins exit the room, Doof walks in)

Doof: Uh...Link? This is the best I could do. (shows him the fake Moblin he made. Zelda screams again.)

Zelda: Help! Moblins!

Link: Those Moblins are real! (gets up) Time to kick Moblin tail!

(Moblins are walking out the castle while carrying Zelda, Link gets out a bomb from his pouch, throws it in front of him and gets out his Magical Shield as well. He rides on it like a skateboard and uses the bomb's explosion to launch himself out of the castle. Link catches up to the Moblins just as they're about to enter the Underworld)

Zelda: Link! Hurry up! (Moblins rush in to attack Link)

Link: (blocks a Moblin's attack) Excuuuuse me, princess! (defeats two Moblins but the other two carry Zelda into the Underworld. One of the Moblins knocks Link's shield off but Link zaps it as well)

(in the Underworld, Zelda is in front of Ganon with two Moblins beside her)

Ganon: Welcome, my future bride. Ah ha ha!

Zelda: What?! If you think I'm gonna marry you, pigface, you're-- (Ganon puts the Jewel of Control around her) --absolutely right. I WILL marry Ganon.

Ganon: Let the ceremony begin!

(Stalfos are walking around the Underworld, Link surprises them from above and defeats them all)

Link: Let's face it, I'm good.

(back in Ganon's lair, Zelda and Ganon are getting ready to be married)

Priest: If anyone here has any reason why these two should not be wed... (an explosion destroys one of the walls leading to Ganon's lair)

Link: Yeah, I got a reason. And here it is: Back off, Ganon! Zelda, c'mon. We're getting out of here!

Zelda: No. I'm marrying Ganon.

Link: What?! Are you nuts?!

Ganon: She's under my control, hero! And as for you, you have your own problems! (summons a three-headed Gleeok from the Evil Jar. It shoots fire at Link who easily evades it and zaps the three heads. The Gleeok's body disappears but the heads continue to shoot fire)

Link: Uh-oh! (Link runs away from the heads and jumps on Zelda while the Gleeok heads crash into Ganon, destroying him)

(outside, Link and Zelda are walking away from an underworld entrance)

Link: There, safe and sound.

Zelda: Oh, what happened? And where'd this stupid necklace come from?

Link: Good to have you back, princess. Kiss me.

Zelda: No! I just remembered, this is all YOUR fault!

Link: My fault?

Zelda: Yes! If you hadn't been trying to scare me with those fake Moblins, this never would've happened! (walks away)

Link: Well excuuuuuse me, princess! (Link follows)

Zelda: Ah! A Moblin! (jumps into Link's arms, but it's actually Doof's fake Moblin. It falls apart shortly after)

Doof: Oh, darn. Just can't seem to get it to work right.

Zelda: (laughs)

Link: (still carrying Zelda) Oh, don't worry, Doof. I think it worked just fine. (walks away)

(in the Underworld, Ganon is inside the Evil Jar)

Ganon: Ah! Another time, Link! Another time!